Hello, my name is Dustin and I'm a plantaholic...

I am also an opiate addict and an alcoholic. I am currently in recovery and all the counselors say I will always be recovering; I will never be "cured". One day at a time and all that.
1 Corinthians 10:13 basically says He will never put more on you than you can handle. He is faithful and although you have a cross to bear He assures you that it is bearable. Well, I have been handling this for 20 years or so and there were times when I was nearly crushed. But, I am here to tell you there is beauty in the crushing.

That brings me to the 'Apothecary's Rose' or the 'Lancaster Rose' I believe. Those of you familiar with English history will know. Anyway, it was used in some capacity for making medicine or herbal something-or-others, thus the Apothecary reference in the name. Ironically, it has grown alongside me here for the past twenty plus years. It was already here when we bought the property and looking at it I assumed it was just some wild rose. What did I know? I couldn't even point to the hips on it a year ago, remember?
Now my obsession with breeding roses and making a collection of my own leads me to work with it every day. I was once obsessed with the medicine that came out of an apothecary now I am bent on taking the essence of this rose and manipulating it in such a manner that an entirely new entity is born. And I would like to believe that I have some measure of control in this situation.
But do I really? 

If I cross any of those hybrid teas with this rambler will the result be one I predicted?

If I cross this one with the 'Apothecary rose' will I get the desired result?

Will I get a larger bloom with that awesome fragrance from the 'Apothecary rose' if crossed?

Will the blackspot susceptibility be bred out of the Gallica rose if I introduce it to 'Double Knockout'?

In that last case I am hopeful. The point is I have no control over what happens ultimately. But I will get something unique.

In order for me to gain some control of my life and addiction I began an outpatient treatment program. The program utilized suboxone, the brand name for buprenorphine with an additinal blocker that allowed me to slowly taper down so the danger inherent with detoxing would be minimized. Like methadone treatment accept you don't get high like you do on methadone. That was for the opiates. For the alcohol I went to church. It was a Pentecostal church that spoke in tongues and everything. The pastor approached me and said he felt I needed help for something, he just didn't know specifically what. He and a few members laid hands on me and prayed and I haven't had a drink since. 

That was huge. It saved my life in an immediate way. I was near death. I was puking blood and couldn't get out of bed without a drink, literally. The same approach didn't work with the pills; I didn't want help. 

Anyway, Independence Day this year is a high water mark for me. I will run out of medicine today. No refills, no more appointments. I just want to be normal, whatever normal is. And I want to pee all by myself, without someone watching for the first time in five years, and in something besides a cup. 

So this day is truly a celebration of freedom. Tomorrow will be the first day I will be without a crutch. Check back to see how it goes. I have dreaded this day all my life.

Concerning gardening, it seems you are always working on next year. Me, I am working on today_

Happy Independence Day